When my husband Howard was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in 1993, the Alzheimer’s Association insisted we keep it a secret, because Howard was on the Board of Directors of Toys R Us, and doing other consulting. They felt he’d lose his jobs, his friends and he wasn’t ready to do that yet.

In order to smile I started a secret journal, which became my book, Behind The Mask. Keeping it a secret was harder than I expected, and I didn’t know who to reach out to.

I looked at the internet at the caregivers messge boards and I read them all. One day I noticed one message that said, “I need a hug.”

Well, I needed one too, so I read her message, and it seemed to call out to me. I emailed this lady, not using my real name, and the rest is history.

I’m still writing to her, and during one of our trips back east, we stopped and met them and I’m so glad we did. It made me feel so good.

She is one of the most caring human beings I’ve ever met. She has, and still is, devoting her life to her husband. She is one of the reasons I want to start

adopt a caregiver

Her family and friends all have their own families, their own problems, and joys. And my friend is stuck at home, alone most of the time, and my heart cries for her.

Keep love and kisses in your life. Helene

The Writer’s Conference is over, and I am overwhelmed with information about writing, selling my book, the internet, and blogging.

My head is whirling and crammed full of information.

Truth is I can’t wait to start writing again. My short stories need editing, my memoir writing needs to be continued.

But I have thank you’s to write to the editors, publishers and workshop presenters from the conference. It was a most worthwhile three days, and I intend to go back next year.

For now, I have to rereread my notes, write the thank you’s, and just generally clear off my desk.

I will talk with you soon.

Keep love and kisses in your life. Helene

Going to the Las Vegas Writer’s Conference, Thursday through Saturday.

I’m excited, a litle nervous, and truthfully I’m tired just thinking of the three long days. There will be so many things going on: workshops, author panels, speakers, agents and so much to be learned from all of them.

Will I be able to get my message out there?

Adopt a caregiver

Again, such an easy thing to do. Next time I write I will give you some ideas of how to find a caregiver to write to.

In the meantime, I’m supposed to be thinking of my ‘pitch’ when I talk to agents, publishers, and other authors. It all goes by in a blur, but I’ll be happy to tell you about it when I get back.

In the meantime, remember Behind The Mask is available through me. It’s not on Amazon .. yet.

Write and tell me what you think of my story, and if you are willing to

adopt a caregiver

Keep love and kisses in your life. Helene

The Victim: 1993

The diagnosis is in. In the blink of an eye I become a caregiver. I am the one in charge, caring for someone who no longer can care for himself. The more he deteriorates the harder I wil have to work, not only physically but to hide my emotions as well. To stuff away in a trunk all my tears, feelings, anger and hurt; not to be opened until we are separated by death. Then, and only then, will I be able to acknowledge what all caregivers know.

The death sentence for Alzheimer’s Disease is for two people. One is the prisoner of his mind, and the other is a prisoner of his soul.

I refuse to be a victim. I reject wallowing in self-pity or mournful depression. Instead I celebrate life with my family and my friends and vow to be fully alive in the moment.

The Reprieve: 2000

Seven years later, God’s plans have changed. I am no longer climbing that steep winding mountain. The disease has either slowed down, or never materialized.

The strength of the mountain is within me. I am walking on level ground with peace and happiness and love.

I can handle whatever comes next with God’s help.

The above is the first page of Behind The Mask. A few people have mistakenly thought that Howard still had Alzheimer’s Disease, and I wanted to set the record straight.

I promised I would write about my lists. It is a disjointed mish mash of things depending on where in my life I am, or what I jot down at this moment in time.

For instance, when Howard was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 1993, the lists I wrote were:

things to make me laugh, music to make me cry, things I should be grateful for, better memories, things I wish I could do, lists to make me forget. If only this wasn’t happening to us.

The times I wanted to write some of my memoirs there were other lists:

my favorite things, things I miss, start with I remember, I forget, I’ve changed, I’ve stayed the same, I am, I hope, I believe, I wonder, I know, I don’t know, choices I’ve made in my life, choices I should have made, if only, and questions, questions, questions.

When I want to write I think about:

100 things to do before I die, intriguing situations, characters I have known, what do I want to leave as a legacy, things I want to learn, pet peeves, cliches I like, books, movies, and most of all words.

One of my best short stories started with three words. That is a fun exercise to do.

Follow the whisperer in your ear. Just be, let it come to you.

Make your own lists.

Keep love and kisses in your life, Helene