Evey once in a while I write what I call a Reflection of Me. This is one of them, one I wrote while I was a caregiver. The diagnosis of Alzheimer’s Disease was changed seven years later. This was kept a secret for all of those seven years; until I published my secret journal, Behind The Mask.

The Road:

“This road is an unwanted journey. No choices here, only steady plodding, only roaring down the river without a life vest, riding the waves, brushing up against the rocks, wind roaring through my ears. Not having time or energy to enjoy the beauty of the clear water or the gorgeous sunset, or watching the moon come out at night, smiling back at us.

Too out of control, no oars, just holding on for dear life letting the river take me where it will. Will I ever be able to look back and see any beauty in this agonizing fear;  out of control, how could I have picked this road?

No one gets to pick, we are all chosen, we are together as always, and always alone. No beauty here, only darkness and fear. Have to find the light, live in the light and the sunshine, away from the shadows and the valleys.

Have to be me, to find the balance of light and darkness. I look at strangers and wonder what their lives are like and I look at friends and wonder what they’d say and how they’d feel if they knew??? And why do I even care. I’ll be alone no matter what. It’s how life plays itself out. We come into this world alone, and we leave it alone.”

Now I am on another road, another journey. This one is full of sunshine, and promise and fulfillment. This one is opening doors and people are listening, and caring.

Adopt A Caregiver. That’s all I ask, nothing to pay, nothing to join, no commitment, except to yourself.

Give something back, just look around your community, everyone knows a caregiver. Lets wipe away some of their tears. Be a friend, listen, let them vent. In fact encourage them to vent. If not to you, then in a journal. My journal saved my sanity.

Keep love and kisses in your life. Helene