A Right Brain Journey: Keeping Everything Inside

The last time my husband was diagnosed 20 years ago with Alzheimer’s Disease, I went to  a writing conference. Not knowing where I belonged I joined a Right Brain Group. I think I thought I’d find myself and what I wanted to write, but this is what came out of me that day:

It began with a journey into a quiet room, and out to the beach. Completely relaxed, warm, safe, opened up to colors, outside in the sand, opened up places , kept inside to make room for opening up to people, ideas, creativity, to write experiences about. To get rid of the part of me that thought Silence Was Golden to the point of closing off myself, my feelings. Started because I thought I had no choice about it, but it stayed to become almost like a sickness. My thoughts and feelings didn’t matter so I didn’t share them. It came out in my writing. Short spare sentences with no flavor, color, description; just bare bones. Emotion locked inside me.

Has this ever happened to you?

How did you handle it?

Did it change part of your life?

It changed my life until I was much older. By that time I realized that other people, bullies who pushed me around, they  had power over me, and I enabled  them. How stupid I felt, how locked up inside.

Was I damaged beyond repair?

What changed?

I put aside those negative people and they are no longer in my life. They have no power over me anymore.  I learned that Silence Isn’t Golden, like my mother told me when I was a child.

My husband’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s Disease a couple of months ago got me thinking. Time is of the essence, I need to make wonderful memories  every day of our life together. I know it’s not going to be easy. But this time, I will let those locked up feelings inside me come out. I am grateful for every day of my life, and I will take good care of my husband during this life changing illness.

Keep love and kisses in your life.