When You Touch Me

If you remember I told you I took a Journaling for Caregiver on- line course several weeks ago. This is one assignment I wrote; When You Touch Me.

“Every time we touch I am reminded how blessed we are rthat we are still so much in love after 56 years of marriage. If only everyone could find what we have we’d be living in a better, more compassionate and loving world. Where each person takes responsibility for his actions and knows that every action brings a reaction. And there are consequences for our actions. Why have we lost that as a nation?

But I just want to talk about us. I said in the beginning we were blessed, that’s not to say we didn’t work on our marriage or that we didn’t have plenty of ups and downs- believe me, maybe more ups and downs than most. But at the same time we made it work. And it was hard work, going through a personal bankruptcy when we had three children ages 13, 11, and 8. That wasn’t easy . We made the best of it, and the kids helped, working along side us whenever they could. Through it all our love shone through.

We have through the awful scare of Alzheimer’s Disease and for seven long years we went through hell. Me, as the caregiver, and Howard knowing he was losing chunks of his memory. But we were together.

Today our life is so different, yet the same, even better. Our love affair is stronger, more loving. I receive a love note every morning, Howard makes me coffee and helps around the house, leaving me time for my alone time, or for writing on my blog and other writing, and knitting.

During those seven years of being a caregiver, I wrote a secret journal pushing all my emotions onto the page, my secret fears, and my yearnings. I just reread one of them, and would like to include that paragraph here.”

From Behind The Mask

“I want to crawl into his skin. I want to run my hands all over him, and kiss everything better. I want to protect him. I don’t want him to know what is happening, I want to run my hands over the grass or trail my hands and feet in the water. I want to look at the sunsets, see the mountains. I want to beat the crap out of something, anything. I want to cry. I want a hug, I want to touch velvet and silk. I want to touch Howard and I want to heal him with my kisses and my love. I want him not to worry about being a burden to me. I want him not to worry about me. I want someone to worry about me. How’s that for an oxymoron?

I want YESTERDAY. I’m scared of tomorrow.”

Journaling is a powerful tool. I urge all caregivers to try to write something every day. Especially three things they are grateful for. Even if one of those things is the sunshine, or that they slept all night.

Remember, this is the time for giving. Give the gift that lasts forever, and costs nothing. Adopt A Caregiver, all it takes is an email. Tell them your friend Helene sent you.

Keep love and kisses in your life. Helene